Lee, Peanut and their 1st Soulmate

Lee lived in the house of Peanut. In Peanut’s house there were no visitors. Upon occasion a sales person tried to invade only to be graciously stopped midway in conversation and walked out.

The house of Peanut had walls and bricks and locks to keep out ALL. This was Peanut’s way of protecting Lee.

Lee often times longed for people but was content to have her characters surround her. After all they didn’t hurt her feelings or break her heart. They were kind and gentle and hugged her back when she needed hugs. Some laughed when squeezed, some talked and some played music when wound
up.

There were animals and people everywhere. One of Lee’s towels even squeaked when touched.

This always brought a gentle smile to Lee’s face and often times caught her off guard.

One of Peanut's favorite things was to pick flowers for the house. She knew Lee loved flowers and she loved when her face lit up in a smile. It brought her joy to give to another.

One day while outside checking out the flowers a Gray Mann ventured along. He was very handsome and resembled the prince that she had loved long long ago.

Lee was taken aback. Was she to be reminded forever of her prince? Would he always be in her heart? Would the pain endure until her death? (It was made MUCH easier when she met her second soulmate. Somehow he brought out the same side of Lee that TR had and it was glorious to have those feelings come alive again.)

The recent death of a dear friend’s wife, how would this affect Lee? Peanut knew she had to protect Lee. After all, Lee had never shown good sense when it came to men and he had touched her heartstrings before. Peanut knew he wasn’t for Lee. She had known it when it all began.

Now the struggle is on. Peanut is being very strong but the party is this week end. They aren’t attending but that in itself will bring him back, of this she is sure. (He will call.)

How did Lee get herself into these situations? She never had to go far and out of the somewhere....
a man ......

Peanut had been successful in keeping Lee secluded lately. It had been working for a while. She couldn’t afford to let her out and about, it could be dangerous.

Lee on the other hand longed to love again. The scars were thick and the callous hard but if only a pang now and again. Was it worth it?

How could she open up? Would Peanut let her? Peanut knew Lee so well and she had decided way back in their childhood that love was harsh. Love wasn’t something either of them needed.

Peanut was there when Lee defied their mother. Peanut took the hits from the belts. Peanut took the slaps in the face, Peanut took the psychological abuse so Lee could live. Even then Lee managed to do terrible things to herself. (Cutting) She would retaliate because she couldn’t stand Peanut taking the abuse.

Peanut was with their mom when she found out about the cancer and she took the news calmly. Lee on the other hand questioned it and wanted information. Once again, the abuse.

Peanut was there by the bathroom door when she heard her daddy sobbing. Lee showed up and Peanut led her away. (She had never seen her daddy cry nor had she ever heard anything that sad in her life. She knew Lee would insist on knowing and she had to get her away.)

Peanut was actually the one that ran away. She had to, Lee was going to raise a ruckus if she knew her daddy was hurting. She would insist on knowing everything.

When her daddy caught her, on her way to grandma’s house, Lee was defiant. Peanut couldn’t stop her even then. "Get in the damn truck NOW", her father shouted at her.

Their grandmother came to stay with the girls then. It was tough for a while. Thirteen year old girls are a handful to say the least but in a drama like this, it was terrible. (If only their grandmother had known. They blended so well and Peanut was quite good at it. Lee was suspicious but she didn’t really want to know so she just went on her merry way.)

Peanut and Lee coexisted during the time their mom was in San Francisco at the hospital for treatment. Peanut stood in when others were around and kept peace as best she could. Lee was in her own world and it was not a nice place to reside. This was probably when the depression first came to the surface. (It may have been there before but the severity of it was horrendous at this time.)

Lee however rebelled and wanted her father to talk to her. She wanted answers, there was no shhhhhhhhhing her.

Looking back, their dad probably didn’t know what to tell his inquisitive young woman/daughter.

Peanut remembers once when Lee slapped her mom back. It startled all three but Lee never understood and got tired of it. How does it feel? The separations were awful and altho Lee and her mom didn't get along, there was a scary sense of loss.

Lee doesn’t remember to this day if she really slapped her mom.

In the hospital after their father had his surgery, it was Peanut who took the push against the wall from their mother. Lee was irrate, it was, after all her father, didn’t she count? She held firm to her conclusion that her father would live.

Lee was persistant. Peanut had relented on several occasions only to be bruised and scarred herself when Lee came back damaged.

Peanut wondered if Lee would survive and decided if Lee didn’t either would she.

What now? The saga continues......

Who will it be?
Where will it happen?
How will we know if it is safe?
How can we trust again? but more important than that, will we ever be that vulnerable again? If the pain returns, will we survive.

Are we doomed to always be on the outside looking in? Is it ever safe?

HURT Pain............ critical crisis ............ depression........ failure.

When a young man came into Peanut's life, it was like a blessing....... finally someone similar who loved to play and have fun and there was no fighting and no hitting....... only sweet times. You used to tease me when this song played......
Rich Girl Hall & Oates youtube

.........and tease me even more when this song played and yes I had the moon in my eyes and he was a cancer.
Witchy Woman Eagles video
=======================
Happy Birthday.......... July 12, 1955
Joys We Shared........... 1955-1992 TRW I love you still!!!
My gentle prince.... who played w/me as children.
R.I.P.

A refreshing thought has crossed my mind
I looked at you, we were two of a kind.

The part of you I loved was me
The reflection in my eyes was a he.

I knew from the first time I saw your face
You were the opposite, a man and you didn’t wear lace.

But in our love I came to know
I loved you at first and it did grow.

You left and went ahead of me
But the things I feel still make me free.

Now as I go through my life without you
It hurts to know and it makes me blue.

In our own way I guess we said our final good-by
But when I heard you’d left all I could do was cry.
(In 15 years you never once said 'I luv u' till the last time.)

Why did it happen, why did you have to go
It is my heartache and I’ll never know.

But even though you’ve left this world
You gave me much, more precious than gold.

We lived and we loved and we’d left each other before
But this time you’ve left and there will be no more.

So good-by my love you were my treat
When I leave this world I’m sure we’ll meet.

On the other side maybe it is much better
Till then my love all I have is this letter.